Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
