There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
