We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
