Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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