my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize