there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
