Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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