Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
