OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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