you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
