Acid is not a monday night drug
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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