grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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