I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
