I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
