tell your sister to shave her snatch
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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