His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
