I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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