We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
