Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
