you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
