There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
