My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
