If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
