He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
