guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we're making bets on your personal life
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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