They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We left an ass print on the piano.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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