i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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