Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
