its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
