There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
