Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The air taste purple.
Randomize
