happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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