I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
