I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she pinky promised me she was 18
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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