Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I will pee on everything he values.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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