opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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