Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
