Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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