If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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