break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
