If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
