Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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