totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
