true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize