Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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