i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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