I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize