My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
