his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
third nipple confirmed
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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