I showed him my bush... on skype.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
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I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
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The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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