is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
