where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
