Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
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Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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