He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
