you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
