You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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