Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
