Your face is a jimmy john
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I want to be your penis for a week.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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