we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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