im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
