I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
