Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
