Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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