How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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